


My Light in the Past

by xMoonLight91



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Depression, F/F, Fluff, I will add trigger warnings if needed, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self-Doubt, Sexual Harassment, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 16:55:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30024918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xMoonLight91/pseuds/xMoonLight91
Summary: “Maybe you are the light I have been looking for...”A Suayeon university AU. Don’t expect them to meet immediately because I love slow builds and burns.Summary and future relationships will be updated.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon
Kudos: 22





	1. Full Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! :)  
> I am planning on writing a story based on real life and personal experiences, also including imaginative stuff. The additional tags are not complete, but at this point, you can expect anything, like, I do have an idea, but nothing is set in stone. I probably won’t be too graphic, since this is my first work and I need a lot of improvement, but I will try to put tw in the notes at the beginning. Sorry in advance, if I, for whatever reason, forget to do so. English is my third language, so I hope, I will be able to express my thoughts and feelings and that my mistakes won’t ruin the story for you.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome! 
> 
> The first chapter “Full Moon” is like a short prequel to the story which will make sense at a later time. So, don’t get too confused. :)
> 
> I hope, you’ll enjoy!

Right after her younger sister left her apartment, she went to the balcony. It was around 5 pm when her younger sister came to visit her after work. They watched a episode of some drama show, drank coffee and ate lemon cake which she had made during her break from work. They chatted while watching TV and just enjoyed being in each other’s presence. After growing up and starting to live like adults, working on weekdays, cleaning on weekends, they hadn’t have as much time together as they had back in their childhood, living together with their parents and youngest sibling. Their parents and sibling moved to a different country and since her sister was married, both lived in different places. So, they enjoyed it when they were together, even if it they were only doing simple things like watching TV.

When she was on the balcony, around past 9 pm, the empty walkway was illuminated by the streetlights. The cold wind kissed her cheeks while the trees were dancing in the shadows. She lit a cigarette, trying to get everything out of her mind. She knew, she couldn’t breathe out whatever was bothering her, like she could do with the cigarette smoke. She knew, she’d have to carry lots of things with her for the rest of her life. Everyone had to. Everyone had a luggage full of pain, disappointments, tears and anxieties to carry with. She wasn’t the only soul on earth. But tonight, she felt like she was. As if she was carrying the whole world on her shoulders. As if something big was sitting on her chest. As if something was eating up her soul.

She looked up to the sky while filling her lungs with the burning smoke. It was full moon. Although the sky wasn’t clear this night and you couldn’t see one single star, the moon could shine through. She envied the moon. Even if it was dark and cloudy, the moon could shine. Nothing could block the moon. She wished she could do the same; shining in every direction and lighten up the darkness, so it couldn’t reach her. But she couldn’t. Maybe because she was too tired. Maybe because she was used to the darkness. And maybe because little by little, she gave up on shining, trying. She just wanted the days to pass without feeling any pain.

She lit the second cigarette and was lost in her thoughts. Thoughts about her past, her childhood and teenage life. Thoughts about the wonderful things she had experienced and those that left invisible scars all over her. It wasn’t just one thing bothering her tonight and making her feel nauseous. It was her entire past. Why did she even start to think about everything? What a waste of a Friday night. When other people were meeting up and having a good time, she decided, it was a good idea to start thinking. What a great timing. But she knew, timing wasn’t really her thing and fate wasn’t always on her side.


	2. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the first chapter is a pretty short one and doesn’t really contribute to the story (at least not for now), I thought, I should post the second chapter. I hope to be able to update this story every week or two.
> 
> **tw:** sexual harassment (please skip the flashback part, if you need to)

Bora grew up in a little town with her parents and two younger sisters. She was a happy child, always running around and laughing, playing with every kid she saw in the neighborhood. Nobody ever had a problem to get along with her. Her emotions could be big from time to time, as if all of her emotions couldn’t fit into her tiny body. One day in kindergarten, one of the kids told her that she would move to another city and she was devastated, even if she had known the kid for only 2-3 weeks and seen her only in kindergarten. She cried and didn’t want her to leave. And then, there were days, she would be very calm, like in elementary school, when a girl pushed her to the ground without a reason. She didn’t cry and she also didn’t get angry. She didn’t even really feel hurt. She just laid on the ground for a few moments before getting up, without doing anything and went to class as if nothing had happened.

The probably most eventful part in her life took place in university, both good and bad things. The university campus was a big place. Many different buildings, so many different people in the same place. Bora was overwhelmed on her first day on campus. As she would have to ride back and forth, since the campus was far away from the little town she came from, she decided to live in one of the dorms near the campus, a 20 minutes walk. Her dad wasn’t very pleased about the whole moving thing. He wanted to keep her safe from everything and everyone.

——————————

_“Dad, I get it, really, but I can’t stay forever with you, you know? Even if you won’t let me go now, I’ll eventually move out when I find someone, I want to start a family with or do you want me to stay here until I’m a grandma and die lonely,” Bora exaggerated, trying to make him understand that moving was the best option in this case._

_“Yes, she is right. She isn’t out of our lives and will visit us whenever she can,” said her mom to soothe her husband. “She can spend the little time she’ll have on her studies instead of traveling back and forth or do you want to make her suffer and then see a tired and exhausted face everyday? I sure can’t cope with moody Bora,” she added, of course not to hurt Bora, but to convince her husband, so he’d stop making a big deal out of this._

_“Yeah, I know,” he sighed. “Just promise me, no radio silence. I don’t expect you to call everyday, but still, no radio silence,” he repeated, “you also have to tell us whenever you need something or if you’re in trouble. No secrets!”_

_Bora giggled, “yes dad, promise!”_

——————————

After 15 minutes walking around on the campus, as she took in the new surroundings, she found the main lecture hall to attend the introductory ceremony for new students. Bora had decided to study Business Administration, apparently like hundreds of other students she saw in the hall. It was a popular or rather common choice of field of study. Some were really interested in the business world and others majored in Business Administration because they didn’t know what else to do, but also didn’t want to waste time off, doing nothing. The business world was big, there were no boundaries nor limits. You could work in a office or open a store and be your own boss. Bora belonged to both groups. She wasn’t sure about her future and what to do with her life. She knew, she wasn’t good with words, but when it came to numbers and business problems, she was able to get into it. Business made sense. Numbers made sense. Sure, sometimes you’d need to explain numbers, but in the end you’d understand. Profit was profit. Develop an appealing product, find the right market, calculate a good price, cut off expenses to increase your profit. Easy right? But spoken or written words could always have a different meaning, depending on the person using those words. Interpretations varied, interpretations of words were subjective. She had always enjoyed reading poetry and books, but she didn’t need more complicated things in her life. She would keep reading as another hobby.

Bora took a seat in one of the back rows. Almost every chair was occupied, so some students had to stand or sit on the stairs. She scanned the crowd of students in front of her, not really seeing anyone’s face. Some students were chatting, some were half asleep and some were busy with their phones or laptops. Realizing she had nobody to talk to, made her feel lonely, a feeling she absolutely hated. She wasn’t someone with man friends, but she was passionate when she had one. What she needed wasn’t quantity, but quality. One good friend was better than having many casual friends, she always thought. Before she was sucked deeper into her thoughts, a tall man entered the hall with a microphone attached to his tie.

“Good morning everyone, I am dean and professor Chen, welcome!” he greeted the crowd with a warm voice. “I am happy, you’ve decided to be a part of our university. I can’t wait to see your accomplishments throughout your studies. You’ve already noticed that we’re a large group of people here. Our faculty Business Administration and Economics is one of the biggest faculties with five different subjects which are Business Administration, Economics, Computer Science, Business Information Systems and Law. Due to the fact that we have around 1000 new students starting this semester, we will divide you in groups of 20 for the orientation phase. Each group will be assigned a tandem partner, a student in a higher semester who will accompany you personally, walk you through the campus and help you, if you have any difficulties. Throughout the first three semesters, all students will attend at least five of the same classes which is why we didn’t divide the groups by your major. Well then, let’s start.” They divided the students in groups with the help of their student IDs, like playing lottery.

‘ _Funny_ ,’ Bora thought, ‘ _randomly chosen numbers will decide the group of people I’ll have to spend the first week with. Well fate, some magic would be nice_.’

A group of 20 students, including Bora gathered together in front of their senior. “Hello everyone, I am Moon Byul, you can call me just by my name, Byul. I’ll accompany you in your orientation week. Whenever you have a question, please don’t hesitate to ask,” she said with a smile on her face. Byul was tall, taller than Bora. She had short, honey like hair and was wearing a white big sized shirt and baggy jeans. You would rather call her handsome than pretty. She had a boyish look, as the society would say, and a very charming presence. Bora felt comfortable around her. So did the other students, maybe more than just that. Bora noticed a few students swooning over her and chuckled. The group of 20 strangers had taken their seats in a classroom before starting to introduce themselves. Bora again scanned the students. The first thing she noticed, was, that everyone was taller than her. No surprise. She was used to it. Some seemed to know each other and were whispering to one another. Bora felt even smaller. She counted and noticed that there were more girls than boys, two more to be exact. She sat on the very left, next to a girl with shoulder length brown hair. The girl seemed to be very uncomfortable, as if she was about to faint. Bora somehow felt sorry for her and turned to the girl.

“Hey, you okay?” Bora asked with a worried face. The girl had a cold look on her face. She had big eyes and around face. Her loose hoodie made her look small, although she was still taller than Bora.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m okay. Just a little nervous. I am pretty shy around people I don’t know, kinda hard for me to deal with this situation,” the girl whispered.

“I see. Coming from a little town, I am not used to be around so many strangers either,” Bora gave the girl a smile to comfort her. “I am Bora, by the way,” she stretched out her hand.

A soft smile appeared on the girls face when she took Bora’s hand, “I’m Yubin, nice to meet you Bora.”

The two girls chatted for a while. Bora found out that Yubin was majoring in Business Information Systems, had no siblings and lived with her parents. Byul cleared her throat to get attention. “Okay everyone, let’s do a short introduction round, so we can get to know each other.”

Bora felt Yubin’s body tensing and couldn’t stop herself from taking her hand and giving it a soft squeeze, “hey, it’ll be fine. I guess most of them are nervous, too.” Yubin let out a deep breath, “yeah, thank you Bora.”

One by one, the students introduced themselves. Bora tried to focus on every student while she kept comforting Yubin who had already started to feel calmer. A purple haired girl stood up and started speaking, a girl Bora paid very particular attention to. “Hello, I am Kim Minji, please call me Minji. I worked for a while before I decided to study. I am majoring in Business Administration. I hope we’ll get along,” she announced with confidence. Her smile was so bright, as if she was the personification of the sun. Her long purple hair matched her glowing skin. Her glasses made her look very smart. She also was tall, taller than Bora. Again, no surprise. She was wearing tight blue jeans and a simple shirt. Still, Bora couldn’t believe how ridiculously charismatic the purple haired girl was and instantly wanted to befriend her. Not that she could ever imagine someone like Minji talking to her.

Next to her, a silver-gray haired girl stood up to introduce herself. She was even taller than Minji. A slim figure, puppy eyes and a sweet smile, Bora thought, she was really pretty and would make a really good model, probably like one of those Victoria’s Secret models. The tall girl was dressed casually, a bright green shirt tucked into her blue jeans and still managed to look breathtaking. “Hi everyone, I am Kim Yoohyeon, majoring in Business Information Systems. I like to play video games. So, when you’re up to play a few rounds, let me know,” she chuckled shyly and sat down. Bora couldn’t help but giggle. Another person she wanted to befriend. Not that she would ever make a move to become her friend.

A few other students introduced themselves before it was Yubin’s turn. To Bora’s surprise, when Yubin stood up, she didn’t release Bora’s hand and even tightened the grip. “Hi,” Yubin started shyly with such a low voice, Bora thought, that some might’ve missed that she said something. “I’m Lee Yubin. Nice to meet you all,” Yubin immediately sat down after her last word.

It was Bora’s turn and she felt everyone’s eyes on her, burning her skin. Bora might’ve been smaller compared to all of the girls in the room, but she sure wasn’t one of the less attractive ones. On the contrary. Bora was very attractive. Her long wavy hair, that looked reddish in the light, framed her beautiful face. She had a mole on her right upper cheekbone and was proud of her bigger nose. She knew, people thought she was sexy. Yet, she wasn’t as confident as others would’ve been, if they looked like Bora. Insecurities and anxieties were her best friends. Her body was toned due to her passion, which was dancing. She joined a dance group when she was around 8 and had never stopped since. If she wasn’t at the studio, she would practice in her room. She loved the attention when she was on stage, dancing like there was no tomorrow. These were the times, she was able to get rid of all the negative thoughts she carried with her, all the demons she had to deal with inside her mind. But off stage, she didn’t want anyone to look at her for more than 3 seconds. She didn’t want that much attention and felt her chest tightening.

———— // **flashback** // ————

_His gaze on Bora wasn’t something you wouldn’t have noticed, if you paid just a little attention. She didn’t mind it much, though. The attention she got, was what she needed even if it was from someone she didn’t really care about. There was nobody else paying attention to her like that. Lustful glances which boosted her ego, so why would she not just enjoy it a bit. There was no harm, if he was just looking at her. So she did, she enjoyed his attention._

_Bora went to the storage room in the back to get some coffee beans for the coffee machine. She worked part time as a waitress in a small cafeteria during her time at school to earn some extra cash. She bent down to grab the coffee beans, when she suddenly felt something against her backside. In a second, she turned around to see her boss with a hungry smile on his face, trying to rub his front on her backside. She froze and let the coffee beans fall..._

———— // **flashback end** // ————

“Hey guys, I’m Kim Bora. Kinda overwhelming to be here with so many unfamiliar faces, but I guess, we’ll have a good time. Oh, and I am majoring in Business Administration,” she sat down without spending another glance at the other students, but met Yubin’s soft smile.

Byul explained the group some important things about the university, how to sign up for classes and exams, to which library they should go, since there were three huge libraries on the campus, each of them focused on books for specific faculties, and other things. She talked about activities outside classes, like the theater, art and dance clubs or that students could attend language classes to get certificates. After her talk, she dismissed the student, so they could have lunch.

“Shall we go together and grab something to eat Yubin?” Bora asked with a soft smile. She didn’t want to leave her alone. She also didn’t want to be alone. Even though she didn’t know much about Yubin, there was something that made her want to protect her, like she would, if it was her own sister.

“Sure, we can do that, if you don’t mind a friend of mine tagging along? She was put in another group all alone and couldn’t find anyone to hang with,” Yubin said.

“Of course!” Bora answered enthusiastically. She wanted to build at least a few new friendships. A small circle of people she could lean on during her student life. Maybe, she wanted her student life to become one of the best times in her life.

“Alright, then let’s go!”

———

It was around noon, when Bora and Yubin arrived at the cafeteria. Compared to cafeterias you see in town or other places, this cafeteria was big which wasn’t surprising since many students came here to grab something to eat. It was on the campus, so you didn’t have to hurry between classes to another place. There were many tables and Bora saw students eating and working on their laptops, herself dozing off.

“There she is,” Yubin suddenly stood up and took Bora back to earth. A long pink haired girl came up to their table. She was short, slightly shorter than Bora which made her happier than she would ever admit. The girl was wearing black jeans and a white shirt, “excellent” written in black letters.

“Hey Yubin, glad to finally see a familiar face,” she said relieved.

“Poor you. Look, I was lucky to find this lady. This is Bora. Bora, this Gahyeon. We are basically childhood friends,” Yubin introduced the new girl to Bora.

“Nice to meet you, Gahyeon. Are you also majoring in Business Information Systems like Yubin?” Bora asked the girl after she took a seat.

“No,” she smiled. ”I am planning on becoming an attorney, so I’m studying law.”

“The smartest kid I know,” Yubin teased her and made Gahyeon blush.

They chatted for an hour while having lunch and Bora could feel that she’d be spending lots of time with these two. Before Gahyeon left the two to rejoin her group for the orientation week, they had exchanged their phone numbers to stay in contact. After another two hours with the group, Bora had survived the first day.

“Thank you for introducing me to one of your friends and spending lunch time with me,” Bora smiled.

“I am the one who should be thanking you. You helped me calm down during the introduction. I am actually pretty laid back, but being alone in a room with people I don’t know, makes me uncomfortable. Student life is gonna be so much fun for me,” Yubin sighed. “See you tomorrow Bora!”

“See you tomorrow Yubin!”

———

After bidding farewell to Yubin, Bora called her parents on the way to her dorm and told them about her first day. She grabbed some snacks from the convenience store before entering the dormitory. The dormitory had seven floors, on every floor 20 rooms, ten on each side of the floor. There were two elevators. Bora went in and pressed the button to get to the third floor. She stepped off the elevator and moved towards her room, keys in her hand, ready to call it a day.

“Are you Kim Bora?” a bright voice asked behind Bora which made her turn around with a puzzled face.

“Yes...oh, hi.” To Bora’s surprise, the purple haired girl from earlier was walking towards her with a smile on her face reaching her ears.

“We were in the same group, you remember me? I’m Minji.”

“ _ ~~How would I or anyone else be able to forget you~~_. Oh, yeah, I remember. Hello Minji. Nice to meet you again. Do you happen to live here?” Bora asked.

“Yes, I do. Room 34! Which room is yours?”

“I guess, we’re neighbors then. My room is next to yours, number 33,” Bora answered, stillsurprised to see her in the same dorm.

“That’s great!” Minji cheered. “We can go together to campus tomorrow, if you want to? It’d be nice to be accompanied by a lovely face in the morning. And as two fresh Business Administration students, we should stick together!”

“Uh, yeah sure,” Bora nodded, now more confused than before, but at the same time amazed by the purple haired girls outgoing character.

“Alright. See you at 8. Have a good night, Bora!” Minji winked and disappeared behind her room’s door.

Bora opened the door to enter her room, put her backpack on the floor and grabbed one bag of the snacks, she had bought earlier to enjoy them before going to bed. While getting ready for bed, she passed the day review. She met Yubin and Gahyeon who seemed to be very nice. Byul, the groups senior appeared to be a reliable person, she knew, she could ask for advice when it came to university problems. And Minji, the sun in person happened to be her neighbor and even talked to her.

‘ _Maybe fate is going to treat me nicely this time_ ,’ Bora thought before closing her eyes and dozing off.


End file.
